Friday, August 24, 2007

Procrastination and inertia a la Divinyl...aka more random bollocks!

I type this blog with vampish red nails (of varying lengths!). This is the first time I've had red nails in...well, ever, I think! They have been black/green/blue/you name it in my younger days (as has my hair...pretty much every colour save for black on that one...although it has been as dark brown as you can get. It's kind of forgotten what colour it is supposed to be underneath nowadays! Red was quite a favourite for a while...bright, pillarbox red. And that never seems to go away completely!), but never really anything as trad as red (we're back on the nails, the parentheses were just particularly long!).

It is my pal's wedding on Saturday, and my outfit is red. Not like scarlet woman red...not made of satin, or boned, or anything like that! I believe it to be appropriate for this pal's wedding. I have already painted my nails because I simply couldn't wait...I got too excited about trying it out after buying the nail varnish...such a kid! My toenails are also red...and I seriously don't remember the last time I painted them! Yes, I am femme as far as lezzies go...but not that uber-high maintenance femme! I'm having a drama about my toes actually...well, one specific toe anyway.

Nope, I don't have some deformed Elephant Man growth or club foot; nor six toes like Anne Boleyn (who I always thought was called Amber Lynne when I was a child) feet are quite normal thank you, except, that is, for their humongous size...UK size 8 (European 41)...gargantuan! Especially at the age of about 11, when I still had to try and find brown school can imagine, I'm sure. Anyhoo, the toe...

Yup, I busted the little toe on my right foot. Tripped on the stairs. And nearly ripped it off! pals who are doctors even thought it was all icky and gross. It's basically torn away from the toe next to it...a big fissure between the two. Aargh! I can still wiggle it, so don't think it's broken...but don't know what I'm going to do about the fact that I'd planned to wear red kitten-heeled flip-flop-stylee shoes on Saturday. I don't know if I'll be able to walk in them without doing it even more damage in the healing process! Thankfully, however, it is no longer black. I thought I was doing a Michael Jackson-type thing, only backwards (the Moonwalk?)! Snigger.

Ok, I'm sorry, this is, the last word on the nail is slightly sparkly...a bit Dorothy-esque...although in a relatively understated (as understated as red nail polish can be!) kind of way...not full-on, in your face glitz...not like a drag queen's lipstick sparkly red. Enough of this already...

So...I have been watching quite a lot of fil-ums lately. These have included: Annie Hall, The Bourne Identity and Supremacy, The Forgotten (which I thought I'd think was shit, but then I started thinking I might enjoy it. Turns out my first instincts were spot on. But Julianne Moore...grrr), Near Dark (a complete waste of two hours of my life...utter pants!) , a couple of John Waters films (I'm purposefully avoiding the new Hairspray...why does it even exist?) and Monster House. This last one had a trailer for a film called Stranger Than Fiction (a rather odd one to have on a children's dvd methinks)...which stars Queen Latifah, Emma Thompson and Maggie Gyllenhaal. Sounds great! Except that Queen Latifah, no matter how hot she is, always seems to be in crap films. And it also stars Will Ferrell...guh! Seriously, I can't be doing with these 'funnymen' know, the ones who make a living out of gurning senselessly and 'oof, something just hit me in the balls' gags...I avoid Jim Carrey, Eddie Murphy, Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Robin Williams (with the odd 'serious role' exception) etc. at all cost.

But female players-wise, we seem to be onto a good'un...throw in Ana Matronic and you've got me a party! Ok, and Rachel Griffiths, French, and indeed Saunders, Kirstie Allsopp (a bit of posh!), a sprinkling of Drew Barrymore (who I've fancied since I was about 10!), Josie Lawrence, Clea Duvall, Ruth Jones...can't think of any more right now...and I'm ready to roll! What do all these women have in common? Very little I should think. But they are often quirky, few are classically 'beautiful', none are too skinny (for famous people, anyway), and many have good noses. Generally dark-haired, amusing, roundish ladies are good...with a few exceptions.

Shall we move on? How about to the usual TV round-up? I'll very swiftly cover the Big Brother house...I positively can't abide Carole...and don't get me started on Ziggy (with his piggy little eyes and his smarm...not a man to be trusted). Please don't let either of them win. Generally pretty dull in there though. I am, however, throughly enjoying Heroes thus far. I am particularly pleased it has Ali Larter in it!

I saw a great show the other day, on TMF I think. It was a show from MTV called 'Little Talent Show' X-Factor/Pop Idol-style programme, in which three judges had to identify a “triple threat” (i.e. someone who can act, dance and sing). By golly, these judges are dim (one said “Are we in agreeance?”!) and seventeenth rate. And there's a severe over-abundance of use of the phrase "Bring it!"...which doesn't even mean anything! And the talent? There is indeed little of it. Hmmm. It's completely purposefully demeaning to these folk...who are doing all this for the grand prize of...wait for it...$500! Seriously, really not worth it...but quite amusing to watch in a slow moment.

As for my comment shall be upon Venus Vibrance. (I just got an e-mail from 'metatatically Tidwell'! I hate these auto-spam-porn things that I constantly get sent, but I daren't open them to try and stop it, in case they are virus-y things...I know little about computers!). Anyway, the razor...

The advert tells us that “Inside every woman is power”. And the message here is?? That you can unleash it and be long as you have smooth underarms? And what's with the whole vibrating razor thing? How does that help? Surely it can only be intended for one specific use? Just make sure you don't get the wrong end...maah!

My last musing/query for today is about the term 'the dog's bollocks'. Why is that a good thing? I mean, I'm sure dogs like them, but surely dogs' bollocks are something that humans invariably get rid of? Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot! Dogs' bollocks are not, I shouldn't imagine, very attractive...human ones certainly leave a lot to be desired! I really just don't get it. Anybody got an explanation? I so can't be arsed Googling trying to find out!

I'll leave you, for now, with a quotation...from Kath and Kim...a generally amusing show, but this time it actually made me laugh out loud (and I was sitting on my lonesome)...

“I'm gonna cook your favourite dinner tonight – rack off lamb”...superb!

Right...I'm off on my jaunts! Southampton, then Manchester, then back down to Kent...pray my little car gets me to all of these places and back! It's just had a full service and MOT (£250-something...even though it only needed my brake fluid changing and the headlamps realigning...or merchants!), yet it's still chugging and making funny noises...cripes!

Last thing...honest. I could have had a tenner for free the other day. No, really. The guy in front of me at the cash point walked off without taking his money (how dumb is that?!). I, like the Catholic-ally (even though I'm not) honest good citizen I am, raced after him to consociate it with its rightful owner. Did I get a 'thank you'? Did I heck as like...all I got was a “Jesus, I'd lose my head...”. Zip. Should've pocketed it!

Current Music: Old Crow Medicine Show - O.C.M.S./Sam Baker - Pretty World

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